Neely Woods Hunter, Mississippi University for Women, Class of 1995, became a Stay at Home Mom when her oldest child was born. While at the W, Neely, an English and Social Science major, was involved with the Reveler Social Club, Masker Honorary Social Club, Union Activities Council, Hottentots, Mortar Board, Leadership MUW, and the Choral. She was an MSMS RA, MUW Head RA, Student Activities Office student worker, and Mag Pool lifeguard. In her spare time, she was a member of the Honors Program.
Following graduation, she worked in the accounting department for a large engineering firm in Atlanta, GA. As she was unhappy in her job, she decided to go to Massage Therapy school at night. She thought that field would allow her family the flexibility to relocate if her husband's job required it (he was looking) and to begin a family when they were ready.
Neeley said she’d always considered staying home, but never committed to the idea until she was pregnant with their first child, working 50-60 hours/week at a job she hated, and attending school 4 nights per week. Said Neely, "I knew about half way through my pregnancy that I really didn’t want to continue at that pace once our baby was born and also knew that I’d give up my job before I’d quit MT school." She and her husband knew they wanted one of them to be a stay at home parent, and decided that whoever was earning the highest salary when the baby was born would continue working and the other would stay home. Her husband John got a raise about 2 months before their daughter was born, so he kept working and Neely quit her job after maternity leave. John is currently the Director of Historic Resources for the Jekyll Island Authority. He oversees the historic district, sites of archeological significance, and the museum on Jekyll Island. Looking back, remarked Neely, "We know that it was probably best that he got that raise and didn’t stay home as he was already working in-field and building a career path whereas I was in nothing more than a job that I really disliked."
When Neely first decided to stay home, she didn’t really consider herself to be a traditional stay-at-home-parent since she was still attending massage therapy classes four evening per week and clinicals on the weekends. However, she stated "You quickly realize that parenting is always a full-time job regardless of any other income-earning activities you do, so I always felt like a full-time parent with extracurricular activities, much like being a full-time university student and still being in clubs, groups, activities and work study." Her initial plan after graduating from massage therapy school was to set up a private massage therapy office in her home. While she did set up the office, she soon learned I was pregnant with their second child and found she spent much more time parenting thier two children than building that practice.
Regarding the decision to stay home, Neely said "Strictly from a parenting point of view, we decided to make parenting our children – with a parent home with them as much as possible – a priority because we believe it creates a great foundation for them. Unless one chooses to home school (which is something neither my husband nor I felt we wanted to do), you only have 5 years with them before they go off to school. I cherished those 5 years with each of my children – every accomplishment, every boo-boo, every little facial expression or new word was precious and I got to witness most of them. And even though my husband didn’t have that same opportunity, by me being home, he did have the benefit of an immediate call to report something wonderful (first steps!) and the opportunity to share in my excitement. Also, because we always co-parented (he watched our daughter while I went to school at night, he watched both children any time I wasn’t home), he got to experience just as many of those fleeting moments. I believe those 5 years helped our children really connect and trust us in a way that I couldn’t imagine trying to build while being gone all day during those growing years."
While she touts the nurturing between parent and child as the greatest benefit of staying home, Neely has to admit that the finances can be a challenge. " Living in metro Atlanta was expensive and we were still on our “starter” jobs. Moving to Brunswick lowered our cost of living expenses, but we bought a house and had a second baby, and ultimately we sacrificed a lot of material things we’d have otherwise purchased ,and even our future debt load, so that we could provide for our family the way we felt best – and that meant a parent with them as much as possible."
Much as she planned when she went to Massage Therapy School, Neely has slowly built a massage therapy practice one year at a time. " I had a handful of clients during those two years between my pregnancy with our son and his first birthday. I began to do contract work for a local hotel and spa at times when my husband could be home with our children." As her children's school hours increased, so did Neely's work hours. In the last two years she has moved her primary office away from home but is still able to pick her children up from school, and come home to do homework and chores and family things. One to two afternoons or evenings per week she still sees clients at home.
When asked how long she planned to say home, Neely mused "It’s funny – even though I’m considered “self-employed” on all sorts of forms that ask you the employment question and even though the bulk of my working hours are now spent away from my home and my children, I still in many ways consider myself a stay-at-home-mom. I pick up from school, help with homework, taxi to dance and karate and ball games. We rarely use sitters or after-school care. I do have the advantage of having parents (my mom and my husband’s parents) who moved here 5 years ago, so they are available to help me with the children. That is not something I had when my children were babies. I don’t know how long I plan to “stay home” – it’s a work in progress. Some days I envision what my MT practice will be like when I’m not the primary toter and caretaker for my children. I think about the flexibility to work whatever hours are most convenient for me personally or for my clients rather than my children. The honest truth is though that I have no idea what my physical stamina will be for this job in 5 years when my daughter is driving and giving me attitude about hauling her little brother around, so for now, I’m just building a good client base and putting my family first and praying that philosophy will carry me well into the next phase whatever that may be."
You'd think that having two pre-teens (Brenna is 10 and Jess is 9) and a massage therapy practice would be enough to keep Neely busy, but it isn't. She is a semi-active member of the St. Francis Xavier Council of Catholic Women, she volunteers 20-30 hours per year at her children’s school, she is a partner in a cooperative of massage/fitness/wellness professionals and handles a great deal of their promotional work, and she's been heavily active with Mississippi’s First Alumnae Association since mid 2007. She was recently elected President-elect, and was instrumental in starting this blog (she twisted the arms of the bloggers).
Neely has found her MUW education to be invaluable. "Beyond an exemplary academic education, I received invaluable skills in time management and community participation. Whether I was juggling 18 hour course loads or pledging a social club or assisting new Freshmen through Orientation, I was always learning how to set goals and achieve them as well as how to build personal boundaries and honor them."
While staying at home with kids is not the career choice to which most students aspire, Neely urges them to consider it: "I think the greatest fallacy perpetuated about being a stay-at-home parent is that the family cannot afford it. I believe that anyone who thinks they want to be a stay-at-home-parent can make it happen if they work with their partner or extended family to make that goal a priority for everyone involved. I also think that the only way we’ll ever bust the stigma surrounding SAHMs (or dads) and especially as it relates to “career sabotage” is for those who want both to actually do both in whatever way that works for them. More and more parents these days are finding ways to be at-home parents while still being gainfully employed in their preferred fields – consultants, contract employees, part-time employment, flex jobs and hours, job-sharing, being self-employed – whatever the solution, there are ways to provide for your family both with your personal hands-on time and financially. I think the best advice is simply to not be afraid of the possibilities and to treat your parenting job just like you would any other job – make it a priority and then work to make it a reality."
